mommies and friends

i think that you go through stages with your friends, and that there are different types of friends.
i think you have your high school friends, some of those you keep, some you don't. (facebook helps with that.) then you have your college friends, some of those you keep, some you don't. then you have your newlywed friends, those are the ones that got married the same summer you did, around the same time you did, so you can share your woes. most of those you keep, unless you move.
when you move, then you have to find your "new town" set of friends. still try to maintain some of the old ones, figure out which ones to let go, figure out which ones are healthy, etc.
then if you move again, you have to go through the process again.
also, if you have your first baby, you have to have your "i'm a new mommy" friends. those friends can give you advice, or NOT give you advice-and this set of friends are on a whole other level from the above categories-because they have had a world-changing event occur, and they can relate.
so now that i've been through most of these stages, i have to reevaluate the whole friend thing. i want to keep the quality contenders from the above categories, as well as continue to meet the new ones that a) are new moms or b) are my new town friends.
it is hard work to maintain friendships, but blogging kind of helps, because then those folks that care can read about you....but that does eliminate the need for a phone call. :-) sigh, technology.
i am a terrible phone person. i do it for a living, but i am not that great when i talk to my friends. i like to multitask. it's hard for me to sit and talk on the phone. i'd rather see them in person. anyway.
i was reading an article tonight called "The 5 Friends all Moms Need" and it got me thinking.
1)Role Model-the friend with kids older than yours that will give advice, and make you not feel stupid for asking questions. My sister in law Christa serves this purpose, because she has 3 kids now and she gave me ALL the books i needed when i was pregnant, and i appreciate that so much.
2) The Twin-this is someone with a child exactly the age of the newest one in your family. She totally gets what you are going through, and won't freak out when you complain, because she understands. This is my sister in law Rachel. (I have some good sisters in law!) Their baby, Lily, is 2 days younger than Kate.
3) Spur of the Moment Buddy-and i am going to quote from the magazine on this one. "Susan and i met when my daughter was young. initially, i thought we were just too different to be good friends-not only were her children different ages, but i was younger. but despite our differences, we clicked. we brought out something funny and spontaneous in each other, and she turned out to be a lifesaver during those long winter "i need to talk to another adult or i will go insane" afternoons. she was always up for a meeting at a restaurant {or the beach}. All in all, she brought a ray of sunshine to the occasional doldrums of motherhood. I knew it was okay to drop by her house unannounced, if she was busy she would tell me. If she was up for an outing, she would go. Every mother of young children needs a Susan, a free-spirited mom who isn't daunted by the fact that it's naptime or the last trip to the museum didn't turn out so well. she's positive and energetic, and you get a huge kick out of her. Get togethers with her do not require elaborate plans, and she won't care if you haven't showered yet. in the end, she will share secrets with you. and she always, always makes you smile."
OKAY. the reason i typed that is because my spur of the moment buddy is named Susan, and she is awesome. that definition fits us exactly. i am so glad she is in my life. she is also a "new town" friend as i met her here in the Bay at church. i felt so validated that i had this #3 down to the t!
4) The Rule Breaker-this mom doesn't gasp if you let your kid eat a bug or play with toy guns. I am definitely a rule breaker, and I think Susan could fit this category, too, but if any of you out there fit this category, let me know and i'll plug you in.
5) The Best Friend's Mom-This would mean Kate's best friend's mom. Since she doesn't have one yet (aside from me) I'm taking applications.

It's a bumpy road, but friends make it better, and sometimes you can make friends in the strangest places-i think the best friends are made in "foxholes" where you are fighting some sort of war, or similar cause, and you bond. (think: junior auxiliary buddies that stand out to you, relay for life, etc.) you see who really gets you.

and then there are those folks that you just hit it off, that don't fit ANY categories, and you are thankful for them, too.