I am not sure what to write. I am mad, sad, frustrated, happy. I am mad that I used pine sol to clean my floors yesterday, which made them look terrible. I am frustrated that I am now having to remop with something else. I am sad that I had to fix Kate's carseat by myself. It smelled terrible, so I washed the cover, and I had to spend almost an hour making it work. I think that's a man job. I don't want to do man jobs.
I am happy that I had fun with kate this week. We went to the zoo, played a lot, played at Twin Lakes (my heaven on earth besides Fairhope, AL) and ate at Keifer's. I brought some hummus home and it tastes just like I'm on the patio there.
I am sad that I had to go by myself. I am sad that I am a single mom. I am happy that I am holding it together. I am thankful for God's providence. I don't know how I am going to pay rent on the 1st. Please pray with me that I can.
I am glad to have bananas in the kitchen for Kate to eat. I am glad that friends call me on the phone. I am mad that someone only wants an "update" on their child, and not to be with her as much as they can. I am glad that I don't have to miss out on that. I am frustrated that I am the only disciplinarian, tired of being that, happy to teach correct behavior.
I am mad that I have to think of all the decisions by myself. I am glad I have an ipod with good songs. I am glad the gnats are gone. I am happy for the sunshine and the breeze and for Brian Regan, the comedian. I am thankful for a mop that works and for a washer and dryer and for the patience that God gives me. I am thankful that I have a job and I am thankful to have an awesome church family where I can be messed up and it's okay. I am thankful there are no laws I have to follow to be with Christ. I am thankful for his minute by minute forgiveness. I am thankful for Sarah Barielles. She is amazing.
I am thankful I know how to play piano. I am sad I don't have one. I am sad that Yellow Box shoes make my feet hurt. I am thankful for a full tank of gas. I am frustrated that I couldn't pay for it in cash. I am thankful for sunscreen, and sales, and electricity, and for the way my mom says "hey baby" when I call, and when kate says "here, honey" when she hands me something. I am thankful for Jesus and His love for me and I am thankful for "A Mighty Fortress is our God." that song is amazing. I am thankful for Martin Luther.
A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing;
Our helper He, amidst the flood of mortal ills prevailing:
For still our ancient foe doth seek to work us woe; (that means the devil hates us)
His craft and power are great, and, armed with cruel hate,
On earth is not his equal. (God is better than Satan!)
Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing;
Were not the right Man on our side, the Man of God’s own choosing:
Dost ask who that may be? Christ Jesus, it is He;
Lord Sabaoth, His Name, from age to age the same,
And He must win the battle.
And though this world, with devils filled, should threaten to undo us,
We will not fear, for God hath willed His truth to triumph through us:
The Prince of Darkness grim, we tremble not for him;
His rage we can endure, for lo, his doom is sure,
One little word shall fell him.
That word above all earthly powers, no thanks to them, abideth;
The Spirit and the gifts are ours through Him Who with us sideth:
Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also;
The body they may kill: God’s truth abideth still,
His kingdom is forever.
30 March 2008
25 March 2008
21 March 2008
Death is a verb
Death was all over today. It started when I threw out a toy. I never throw sentimental, or reusable things away-this was a toy we got for free from K's daycare, it had permanent marker on it but I thought she'd like it so they let us have it a year ago. It's a little pretend computer. The thing never went dead. If you so much as hit a bump in the car while driving, the thing went off. It always played "Three blind mice." Dah dah dah. Dah dah dah. I tried to leave it in someone's car sometime but they gave it back. I was going through K's toys, and found it-I had to smile but I knew it was time. Bye bye yucky permanent marker laptop. Threw it in the trash, only to hear dah dah dah. Transfered that to a larger trash bag-dah dah dah. Even as I threw the trash into the dumpster for my townhouses, I heard dah dah dah. I felt sad at that point-could this have been given to a child who needed it? I really don't think they would have enjoyed the relentless blind mice. So I tried to shut out the last strands of Three Blind Mice as I walked back to my house. RIP.
I spent the morning in an inservice for hospice patients. I met Tiff, volunteer coordinator and really fun person, my age, with a 3 y.o. She came to my home to teach me and my friend about volunteering with her organization. (I know, I don't volunteer enough already.) It lasted 3 hours but it was informative and she did a great job. It brought me back to college-powerpoint slides printed out for me, and a quiz at the end. I think I can learn a lot from her about loving hospice patients. I won't lie; they scare me. But I learned why I'm scared. These folks are at the worst point in their lives. They need help, but they might not want it. They might not even know what is going on-but I can love them in spite of themselves. K can love them with me. My desire would be once a week but we'll see. I learned about the stages of death. Who knew there were stages? 1. Denial. Patient does not believe they are terminally ill. 2. Anger. Patient is furious with this diagnosis. 3. Bargaining. Patient tries to bargain with God for something better. 4. Depression. Patient starts to realize what is happening, realizes they have no control, feels hopeless. 5. Acceptance. Patient says, this is eminent, real, part of a bigger plan. Patient is ready.
Those stages apply to all of us. Not just in our last days, but with every dream we have. I know I have seen these stages recently in my life, just the same. It's good to know that this is common. Think about your life and where you have experienced it-you'll be better prepared for future deaths.
Death occurred in another major way today, but it was a long time ago. Someone loved me so very much that He had a great plan, carried it out on this day, and I am amazed at such a sacrifice, such a clear picture of love, and am entirely thankful for His death for me-truly God-who loved me enough to do that for me-how could I not respond in love to that? What is too great in my life to keep me from focusing on that kind of love? Nothing! That is real love. It is amazingly romantic and so terribly sad at the same time.
Today I also helped put some memories to death. My friend L was finally able to move into her very own home. She's been living in a trailer for a year or more-she closed on her house yesterday and I was so glad to help her move in with her husband. A cute house-I'm jealous-with fabulous furnishings that have been in storage for months-now set free to be beautiful in her beachy Old Towne house. She will sleep in a real bed tonight, and I hope it's the first of many peaceful nights. Bye bye camper! RIP.
Some of my clothes need to be put to rest. That's another story.
Death can be a depressing topic, but I feel it is necessary and cleansing. It's part of the design for our lives. Soli deo gloria.
I spent the morning in an inservice for hospice patients. I met Tiff, volunteer coordinator and really fun person, my age, with a 3 y.o. She came to my home to teach me and my friend about volunteering with her organization. (I know, I don't volunteer enough already.) It lasted 3 hours but it was informative and she did a great job. It brought me back to college-powerpoint slides printed out for me, and a quiz at the end. I think I can learn a lot from her about loving hospice patients. I won't lie; they scare me. But I learned why I'm scared. These folks are at the worst point in their lives. They need help, but they might not want it. They might not even know what is going on-but I can love them in spite of themselves. K can love them with me. My desire would be once a week but we'll see. I learned about the stages of death. Who knew there were stages? 1. Denial. Patient does not believe they are terminally ill. 2. Anger. Patient is furious with this diagnosis. 3. Bargaining. Patient tries to bargain with God for something better. 4. Depression. Patient starts to realize what is happening, realizes they have no control, feels hopeless. 5. Acceptance. Patient says, this is eminent, real, part of a bigger plan. Patient is ready.
Those stages apply to all of us. Not just in our last days, but with every dream we have. I know I have seen these stages recently in my life, just the same. It's good to know that this is common. Think about your life and where you have experienced it-you'll be better prepared for future deaths.
Death occurred in another major way today, but it was a long time ago. Someone loved me so very much that He had a great plan, carried it out on this day, and I am amazed at such a sacrifice, such a clear picture of love, and am entirely thankful for His death for me-truly God-who loved me enough to do that for me-how could I not respond in love to that? What is too great in my life to keep me from focusing on that kind of love? Nothing! That is real love. It is amazingly romantic and so terribly sad at the same time.
Today I also helped put some memories to death. My friend L was finally able to move into her very own home. She's been living in a trailer for a year or more-she closed on her house yesterday and I was so glad to help her move in with her husband. A cute house-I'm jealous-with fabulous furnishings that have been in storage for months-now set free to be beautiful in her beachy Old Towne house. She will sleep in a real bed tonight, and I hope it's the first of many peaceful nights. Bye bye camper! RIP.
Some of my clothes need to be put to rest. That's another story.
Death can be a depressing topic, but I feel it is necessary and cleansing. It's part of the design for our lives. Soli deo gloria.
19 March 2008
Musings on a regular, not so regular week
We have been up extra early each day so far this week. Kate and I are going to start volunteering at the nursing home in town. I figure we can go visit, play piano and sing, let Kate do her thing, talk to them, just be a happy face there. (Hey-I might score a babysitter out of it-just kidding. Unless they have a drop off service I better not ask.)
We had to go to Gulfport by 8 am Monday to get a TB test. (Not K, but me) We had to go back today by 8 am to let them look at my arm and say, "How wonderful, you do not have TB so you can go volunteer at the nursing home." The Tuesday early wake up was due to having to go to meetings at work, and I had to make sure we were both dressed decently and hair brushed so that we could make it.
Yesterday we had lunch with S,K, and Robin. We only had a short amount of time so we were rude and had to leave to go back to work for something. Then we went home for nap. I can't pluralize that because I didn't take a nap.
Today we watched S and K while their mommy had some alone time-a must! I had a 3 y.o., 2 y.o, and a 1 y.o. Thank you God for the 9 months it takes to space them out. Kate was the worst behaved because she is still learning about sharing. But they cleaned out and 4 poopy diapers later mommy came home.
Tonight was laundrypalooza. I have not folded the laundry in a while, so that was about 5 loads of it, and one more to go.
Good thing: I saved over $50 on my electric bill compared to all my neighbors. It's because I didn't need to run the heater because my house is so well insulated. Yea for saving money.
American Idol last night left nothing to be desired, except of course for David Cook. By far he was the best. I am tivoing tonight's episode and I hope I can see it before someone tells me what happens.
But even if David Cook doesn't win he will get a record deal. Bet on it.
None of my clothes fit. They are all too big. Sounds like a good problem. BUT if you don't have the funds to fix it, it's not that exciting because you look frumpy. That's okay, it's better to have them too big than too little. That's actually painful.
Superfluous junk mail this week. Since I live in a new townhouse, the credit card companies haven't found me yet to solicit my life away, but that day will come....
S Leslie took K and me to breakfast in Gulfport at the Plantation. I grew up an hour away from Natchez, so I know all about plantations/civil war/big hoop skirts/mint juleps/all of that. This was a fake plantation. It was stucco. It had 14 peacocks. I didn't want to steal her sunshine but at least I was able to take some cute pics of the baby pumpkin that I love and she had fun watching the kitty cats. Will post them soon.
K will go out of town tomorrow to visit other family members, and I have so many meetings to catch up on, phone calls, visits, that I am going to be swamped for the next few days. Easter is my favorite holiday. It is so meaningful and I want to cry and thank Jesus for what He did.
I have also not only been waking up extra early but going to bed extra early. If you called me and got my voicemail, yes I was asleep by 830. That is sad but true.
I'm doing better than I deserve, K is happy and full of milk, the roof didn't blow off last night in a tornado, and I am blessed for these and more.
Current needs: a manicure, pedicure, money, babysitter, massage, and someone to figure out why my car smells after it rains.
We had to go to Gulfport by 8 am Monday to get a TB test. (Not K, but me) We had to go back today by 8 am to let them look at my arm and say, "How wonderful, you do not have TB so you can go volunteer at the nursing home." The Tuesday early wake up was due to having to go to meetings at work, and I had to make sure we were both dressed decently and hair brushed so that we could make it.
Yesterday we had lunch with S,K, and Robin. We only had a short amount of time so we were rude and had to leave to go back to work for something. Then we went home for nap. I can't pluralize that because I didn't take a nap.
Today we watched S and K while their mommy had some alone time-a must! I had a 3 y.o., 2 y.o, and a 1 y.o. Thank you God for the 9 months it takes to space them out. Kate was the worst behaved because she is still learning about sharing. But they cleaned out and 4 poopy diapers later mommy came home.
Tonight was laundrypalooza. I have not folded the laundry in a while, so that was about 5 loads of it, and one more to go.
Good thing: I saved over $50 on my electric bill compared to all my neighbors. It's because I didn't need to run the heater because my house is so well insulated. Yea for saving money.
American Idol last night left nothing to be desired, except of course for David Cook. By far he was the best. I am tivoing tonight's episode and I hope I can see it before someone tells me what happens.
But even if David Cook doesn't win he will get a record deal. Bet on it.
None of my clothes fit. They are all too big. Sounds like a good problem. BUT if you don't have the funds to fix it, it's not that exciting because you look frumpy. That's okay, it's better to have them too big than too little. That's actually painful.
Superfluous junk mail this week. Since I live in a new townhouse, the credit card companies haven't found me yet to solicit my life away, but that day will come....
S Leslie took K and me to breakfast in Gulfport at the Plantation. I grew up an hour away from Natchez, so I know all about plantations/civil war/big hoop skirts/mint juleps/all of that. This was a fake plantation. It was stucco. It had 14 peacocks. I didn't want to steal her sunshine but at least I was able to take some cute pics of the baby pumpkin that I love and she had fun watching the kitty cats. Will post them soon.
K will go out of town tomorrow to visit other family members, and I have so many meetings to catch up on, phone calls, visits, that I am going to be swamped for the next few days. Easter is my favorite holiday. It is so meaningful and I want to cry and thank Jesus for what He did.
I have also not only been waking up extra early but going to bed extra early. If you called me and got my voicemail, yes I was asleep by 830. That is sad but true.
I'm doing better than I deserve, K is happy and full of milk, the roof didn't blow off last night in a tornado, and I am blessed for these and more.
Current needs: a manicure, pedicure, money, babysitter, massage, and someone to figure out why my car smells after it rains.
15 March 2008
Save yourself?
I am watching Suze Orman, the money queen, aka female Dave Ramsey. Folks are calling in to get her approval on whether or not they should buy _____________. Caller wants to know if she and her husband should take $50,000 out of savings to go backpacking across the world to "find the meaning of life." Suze said, "Oh, and you're going to find that in the mountains?" "We hope so!" Suze listened to how well they were doing financially and told them they should go.
What! I can save them 50K. I think that is terribly sad. Because you can guarantee that when they come home from that trip, they will not be any more satisfied than before they left because the feeling will only be temporary. They will be satisfied for a month or two, at the most! Then they will want to go find that meaning somewhere else.
We all do this. We look for it in other people, in things, in our children, in being financially secure and happy and driving an SUV (no hate for the SUV drivers) and a well trained dog and high speed internet. We are all in the same boat. But some of us have a paddle and a Compass, thankfully.
What! I can save them 50K. I think that is terribly sad. Because you can guarantee that when they come home from that trip, they will not be any more satisfied than before they left because the feeling will only be temporary. They will be satisfied for a month or two, at the most! Then they will want to go find that meaning somewhere else.
We all do this. We look for it in other people, in things, in our children, in being financially secure and happy and driving an SUV (no hate for the SUV drivers) and a well trained dog and high speed internet. We are all in the same boat. But some of us have a paddle and a Compass, thankfully.
My almost tattoo
These days, I never know what the days will bring. (Not like I knew everything before, but when you are going through a time like this, you start to notice more things.)
Thursday our neighbor Bikeboy came for a regular visit. He is 8. He doesn't have many friends because he moved here over Christmas from Louisiana, but he enjoys riding his bike. So does Kate. Although she is a long way from 8, he likes to watch her ride bikes. She knows his name and is very excited when he comes over. He's not allowed to come inside, (He has a good mama-no going inside "stranger" houses) so I have to go outside when they play. If you have ever been south of McComb, MS, then you know that we are in gnat season. Please don't ever complain about love bugs, because these gnats are annoying and they bite. Their happy hour is 5 pm, so starting at 430 you really can't enjoy being outside anymore.
At about 4 I heard a knock on the door. Bikeboy was there, and his pant leg was stuck in the chain of his bike. Hmm. I didn't think he should take off his pants, I wasn't quite sure what to do. The pants were really really stuck. I took an assessment of the situation, and I told him that I could fix it. He said, "Um, I really think a man should do it." I said, "Just watch and I am going to rock this out for you." I went inside and found my monkey wrench, and I told him what I was going to do to his bike. I was going to take the wheel off so that the chain would loosen so then his pants would be free. Then we could put it back on again. He did not want me to but I said, "Just let me do it." So I got to work, and once he figured out my game plan, he wanted to do some. So I taught him one of the best things my dad taught me-"Righty tighty lefty loosey." And it took him a few tries but he figured it out. We successfully removed the wheel, and he was free. We reattached it and all was fine. I think he was shocked that I could do it. I won't lie, I was too. It was awesome to have real grease on my hands and I almost felt like getting a tattoo or something to commemorate the day. Maybe something with a chain on it or some fire coming out of a dragon. Those would be pretty fierce. But I decided not to do that.
Yesterday I went on a home visit. This is where you go visit someone that has either come to church or knows about our church, and you just hang out with them. I went with two other staffers and this was my first one. I only said a few words because the conversation was dominated by the homeowner, and since we went to listen to him, I decided to listen to him and not input. He was very loud and his house was very smelly and there was vomit on his bed but halfway through his loud talking I looked at him, and thought, this guy is a person. He probably doesn't have many people come see him. He needs love and he needs attention just like we all do. He may not have it all together, but who does? He hurts and he is sad just like everyone else. He lost everything he had in the storm, and he is so thankful to have a house. He's not supposed to be living in it because he doesn't have a certificate of occupancy, but how frustrating that would be-to have to wait for the city to come tell you that you can sleep in your bed and not your camper!
Bikeboy came over again yesterday at 5, and I could not take the gnats so Kate and I had to do our mid month grocery run. I wanted to get her some play-do, and I did not want to make some because by the time I bought food coloring, it would be more expensive than the real kind. But it was only $1.72 for four cans. I think that is beautiful. I wonder how much it was when I was a kid. We made frogs and cows and ducks out of play-do and K thought she was in heaven. I would have taken a picture but I don't think yall would think it was as good as K thought.
Still potty training. (again, that's K, not me.) She will usually dirty the diaper and THEN take it off and bring it to me, sometimes in the process dropping things, so we have to make sure none fell out. But she did quote the rule to me. "don't touch a dirty diaper with your hands." I said, "that's right." She replied, "Only touch it with your booty." Well I couldn't argue with that, because that is true.
Last night she didn't want to go to sleep because she took a late nap. I woke her up from the nap so she would go to bed at a decent hour. (Babysitter did not know my 4 pm rule-no sleep past that.) About 830 I said, "let's go to bed!" and of course the usual fuss. "No. I not tired." But she did go, and she stayed awake a bit doing who knows what in the dark, but she does stay in her bed. At about 9 i heard her crying, crying, so I went in, and she just wanted me to rub her hair and pat her tummy. When I put my hand on her tummy, she put her hand on top of mine. I knew that was a sign of what she wanted me to do. So I loved on her and left the room, no more peeps or chirps coming from her. I thanked God even though I was so tired, so worn out, mad, grumpy. I thanked God because He gave me one more cuddle for the night. And it was just right.
I have a lot of pregnant friends right now. Some of them just had a baby, some are just about to. I want one!
I will write more about today's events later. That way you have something to look forward to. I'm not supposed to end a sentence with to. But now I just did it again and I didn't mean to.
Thursday our neighbor Bikeboy came for a regular visit. He is 8. He doesn't have many friends because he moved here over Christmas from Louisiana, but he enjoys riding his bike. So does Kate. Although she is a long way from 8, he likes to watch her ride bikes. She knows his name and is very excited when he comes over. He's not allowed to come inside, (He has a good mama-no going inside "stranger" houses) so I have to go outside when they play. If you have ever been south of McComb, MS, then you know that we are in gnat season. Please don't ever complain about love bugs, because these gnats are annoying and they bite. Their happy hour is 5 pm, so starting at 430 you really can't enjoy being outside anymore.
At about 4 I heard a knock on the door. Bikeboy was there, and his pant leg was stuck in the chain of his bike. Hmm. I didn't think he should take off his pants, I wasn't quite sure what to do. The pants were really really stuck. I took an assessment of the situation, and I told him that I could fix it. He said, "Um, I really think a man should do it." I said, "Just watch and I am going to rock this out for you." I went inside and found my monkey wrench, and I told him what I was going to do to his bike. I was going to take the wheel off so that the chain would loosen so then his pants would be free. Then we could put it back on again. He did not want me to but I said, "Just let me do it." So I got to work, and once he figured out my game plan, he wanted to do some. So I taught him one of the best things my dad taught me-"Righty tighty lefty loosey." And it took him a few tries but he figured it out. We successfully removed the wheel, and he was free. We reattached it and all was fine. I think he was shocked that I could do it. I won't lie, I was too. It was awesome to have real grease on my hands and I almost felt like getting a tattoo or something to commemorate the day. Maybe something with a chain on it or some fire coming out of a dragon. Those would be pretty fierce. But I decided not to do that.
Yesterday I went on a home visit. This is where you go visit someone that has either come to church or knows about our church, and you just hang out with them. I went with two other staffers and this was my first one. I only said a few words because the conversation was dominated by the homeowner, and since we went to listen to him, I decided to listen to him and not input. He was very loud and his house was very smelly and there was vomit on his bed but halfway through his loud talking I looked at him, and thought, this guy is a person. He probably doesn't have many people come see him. He needs love and he needs attention just like we all do. He may not have it all together, but who does? He hurts and he is sad just like everyone else. He lost everything he had in the storm, and he is so thankful to have a house. He's not supposed to be living in it because he doesn't have a certificate of occupancy, but how frustrating that would be-to have to wait for the city to come tell you that you can sleep in your bed and not your camper!
Bikeboy came over again yesterday at 5, and I could not take the gnats so Kate and I had to do our mid month grocery run. I wanted to get her some play-do, and I did not want to make some because by the time I bought food coloring, it would be more expensive than the real kind. But it was only $1.72 for four cans. I think that is beautiful. I wonder how much it was when I was a kid. We made frogs and cows and ducks out of play-do and K thought she was in heaven. I would have taken a picture but I don't think yall would think it was as good as K thought.
Still potty training. (again, that's K, not me.) She will usually dirty the diaper and THEN take it off and bring it to me, sometimes in the process dropping things, so we have to make sure none fell out. But she did quote the rule to me. "don't touch a dirty diaper with your hands." I said, "that's right." She replied, "Only touch it with your booty." Well I couldn't argue with that, because that is true.
Last night she didn't want to go to sleep because she took a late nap. I woke her up from the nap so she would go to bed at a decent hour. (Babysitter did not know my 4 pm rule-no sleep past that.) About 830 I said, "let's go to bed!" and of course the usual fuss. "No. I not tired." But she did go, and she stayed awake a bit doing who knows what in the dark, but she does stay in her bed. At about 9 i heard her crying, crying, so I went in, and she just wanted me to rub her hair and pat her tummy. When I put my hand on her tummy, she put her hand on top of mine. I knew that was a sign of what she wanted me to do. So I loved on her and left the room, no more peeps or chirps coming from her. I thanked God even though I was so tired, so worn out, mad, grumpy. I thanked God because He gave me one more cuddle for the night. And it was just right.
I have a lot of pregnant friends right now. Some of them just had a baby, some are just about to. I want one!
I will write more about today's events later. That way you have something to look forward to. I'm not supposed to end a sentence with to. But now I just did it again and I didn't mean to.
13 March 2008
Kateisms
Kate played with S and K squared today. She was very vocal with them. She congratulated them when they did good things, corrected them when they didn't do right. I heard her say to K squared, who is 1, "Uht uht uht uht uht" Like no no no no no when she was going to do something messy. She shared, she played, she cleaned up the first time I asked, it's like a little sweet person who understands so much about life!
She's napping now. No nap for me. (Do moms get naps?) Work while it's quiet.
When I ask her if she wants to do something, and she wants to, she says, " Sure!" Yes and no are heard often.
Popsicle=popstick. DBD=DVD. Brush a hair=brush my hair.
I pray that God will protect her from the chaos in our lives and that she will never know the pain of what I am dealing with.
But, if God sees fit, that she will have appropriate pain in her life so that she can be molded into His image more and more.
I'd love to lay all of my feelings out on this blog, but I don't see much wisdom in that. I'd probably say something I'd regret, and I do not want to be hurtful. I hate thinking that some people read this just to get information about me, etc, so I will no longer be posting this on Facebook. If you care about me, read the blog. If you don't, why would you read the blog? Boredom, habit. Just don't read it if you don't like me or if I offend you. If I offend you, tell me. Not everyone else.
At the appropriate time, I will be able to talk more openly about the chaos, but even then I have to be wise. No license to accuse, slander, whatever. I could password protect my blog, but then that would be license to talk about the people that I don't want to talk about, so I'm not. So my blog is here, for God and all creation to read, and I think if you have offended me or are daily offending me, you know it, and God will deal with you appropriately. I do not have to tell you that.
So that's about as deep as I can go for now. I am by no means in despair, but I am sad. The way you behave in a crisis is the way you are. It's easy to be happy and nice when you FEEL like it, but when you can do so in the hard times, that's showing true character.
Peace out.
She's napping now. No nap for me. (Do moms get naps?) Work while it's quiet.
When I ask her if she wants to do something, and she wants to, she says, " Sure!" Yes and no are heard often.
Popsicle=popstick. DBD=DVD. Brush a hair=brush my hair.
I pray that God will protect her from the chaos in our lives and that she will never know the pain of what I am dealing with.
But, if God sees fit, that she will have appropriate pain in her life so that she can be molded into His image more and more.
I'd love to lay all of my feelings out on this blog, but I don't see much wisdom in that. I'd probably say something I'd regret, and I do not want to be hurtful. I hate thinking that some people read this just to get information about me, etc, so I will no longer be posting this on Facebook. If you care about me, read the blog. If you don't, why would you read the blog? Boredom, habit. Just don't read it if you don't like me or if I offend you. If I offend you, tell me. Not everyone else.
At the appropriate time, I will be able to talk more openly about the chaos, but even then I have to be wise. No license to accuse, slander, whatever. I could password protect my blog, but then that would be license to talk about the people that I don't want to talk about, so I'm not. So my blog is here, for God and all creation to read, and I think if you have offended me or are daily offending me, you know it, and God will deal with you appropriately. I do not have to tell you that.
So that's about as deep as I can go for now. I am by no means in despair, but I am sad. The way you behave in a crisis is the way you are. It's easy to be happy and nice when you FEEL like it, but when you can do so in the hard times, that's showing true character.
Peace out.
12 March 2008
And then there was poop.
No nap for K yesterday. She was too involved with the afternoon "project." I opened the door to find her covered in chocolate. Not the kind you can eat. Hands, feet, toenails, floor, green carpet, dresser, you name it. I knew this day would come. It's inevitable. And it came. Ok, I told myself, remain calm. You are a clean queen. You can fix this. I didn't even know where to start! Removed the obvious solid waste into a WalMart bag, begin to put baby wipes to use, and they do not work for full body poop makeovers. Go get washcloth. K is now crying, I am telling her, Don't ever touch your diaper! I begin to wipe, wiping makes it worse. So we scrubbed, tried to breathe through our noses, and in the midst of my lecture in two-year-old speak, I stopped. It made me think of Jesus. Every single day, when we wake up from our naps, that is how we look. Jesus so calmly and lovingly cleans us, and we don't want Him to. Please don't take ________ away from me! But He cleans us, and when we can see what He saw all along, we think, this is good. I am glad He did that. And then 5 minutes later He is ready to clean us again. So I thanked God for this event. I told Kate I loved her, and put her in the tub.
10 March 2008
Evening Spurgeon Style
"Man . . . is of few days, and full of trouble."—Job 14:1.
It may be of great service to us, before we fall asleep, to remember this mournful fact, for it may lead us to set loose by earthly things. There is nothing very pleasant in the recollection that we are not above the shafts of adversity, but it may humble us and prevent our boasting like the Psalmist in our morning's portion. "My mountain standeth firm: I shall never be moved." It may stay us from taking too deep root in this soil from which we are so soon to be transplanted into the heavenly garden. Let us recollect the frail tenure upon which we hold our temporal mercies. If we would remember that all the trees of earth are marked for the woodman's axe, we should not be so ready to build our nests in them. We should love, but we should love with the love which expects death, and which reckons upon separations. Our dear relations are but loaned to us, and the hour when we must return them to the lender's hand may be even at the door. The like is certainly true of our worldly goods. Do not riches take to themselves wings and fly away? Our health is equally precarious. Frail flowers of the field, we must not reckon upon blooming for ever. There is a time appointed for weakness and sickness, when we shall have to glorify God by suffering, and not by earnest activity. There is no single point in which we can hope to escape from the sharp arrows of affliction; out of our few days there is not one secure from sorrow. Man's life is a cask full of bitter wine; he who looks for joy in it had better seek for honey in an ocean of brine. Beloved reader, set not your affections upon things of earth: but seek those things which are above, for here the moth devoureth, and the thief breaketh through, but there all joys are perpetual and eternal. The path of trouble is the way home. Lord, make this thought a pillow for many a weary head!
It may be of great service to us, before we fall asleep, to remember this mournful fact, for it may lead us to set loose by earthly things. There is nothing very pleasant in the recollection that we are not above the shafts of adversity, but it may humble us and prevent our boasting like the Psalmist in our morning's portion. "My mountain standeth firm: I shall never be moved." It may stay us from taking too deep root in this soil from which we are so soon to be transplanted into the heavenly garden. Let us recollect the frail tenure upon which we hold our temporal mercies. If we would remember that all the trees of earth are marked for the woodman's axe, we should not be so ready to build our nests in them. We should love, but we should love with the love which expects death, and which reckons upon separations. Our dear relations are but loaned to us, and the hour when we must return them to the lender's hand may be even at the door. The like is certainly true of our worldly goods. Do not riches take to themselves wings and fly away? Our health is equally precarious. Frail flowers of the field, we must not reckon upon blooming for ever. There is a time appointed for weakness and sickness, when we shall have to glorify God by suffering, and not by earnest activity. There is no single point in which we can hope to escape from the sharp arrows of affliction; out of our few days there is not one secure from sorrow. Man's life is a cask full of bitter wine; he who looks for joy in it had better seek for honey in an ocean of brine. Beloved reader, set not your affections upon things of earth: but seek those things which are above, for here the moth devoureth, and the thief breaketh through, but there all joys are perpetual and eternal. The path of trouble is the way home. Lord, make this thought a pillow for many a weary head!
06 March 2008
Waiting
I have been eying a book at the Christian bookstore, didn't buy it because I wasn't sure if it would be helpful, but now I do, and now it was on clearance for $4.97. At home, I found on the front of the book, a $5 rebate mail in coupon. So they are going to pay me 3 cents to read the book. (forget taxes and the stamp. let me have my moment.)
Kate was trying to get me excited about painting. I like to paint, but I like to hear her talk. She said, "Mommy! Want can paint together?"...how could I resist. She also kissed me without asking and that was amazing!
Also tonight I heard her refuse a toy from a friend and she said, "No thank you." She's good! Emily Post would be proud.
Kate was trying to get me excited about painting. I like to paint, but I like to hear her talk. She said, "Mommy! Want can paint together?"...how could I resist. She also kissed me without asking and that was amazing!
Also tonight I heard her refuse a toy from a friend and she said, "No thank you." She's good! Emily Post would be proud.
03 March 2008
The single life of fantabulous mommy is not so very fantabulous at all times. It is quite a challenge to do it all with no relief as well as work many hours a week, answer the phone for questions with work, clean up all the little kate tornadoes, fish the entire roll of toilet paper out of the toilet as well as mop up the toilet water on the floor, catch the food she spits our of her mouth sporadically if she does not like what she is eating. If i had a dollar for every time i heard "mommy i want a cup." i'd make about 10 bucks a day.
it's almost like we are best friends. we both know we're going to be together all day so we make the most of it. she isn't very far behind me. if i go to do some computer work, she usually comes and sits right beside me. she's started sweeping and that's good, since she used her dumptruck to dump rice krispies all over the kitchen.
right now we are both sick so maybe we are grumpy. kate has had fever off and on but i am going to see how tomorrow goes. she is very good at cleaning up! that is a big help. we did some work with markers and paper (she can't do that unsupervised) and she was doing some great ziggly lines.
i haven't quite taught her how to load and fold the laundry, but in due time.
we did the Walk for Hope 2K walk last Saturday over the Bay of St Louis bridge and it was really fun. We took the longest, because the passenger in my stroller was so happy to see the water, the boats, the ducks, so we took lots of stops. i tried to make up for it by running some but we never really made first place, but we did make it.
work is becoming more and more time consuming. it's good to work but difficult to do so while being a mommy, but i would much rather struggle with it than take kate to day care, because we were so sick when kate was in day care. it actually made it negative because of all the money for dr visits and medicine.
we are living a simple life, no big events, just taking joy in each day, in the small things. i'd like some more adult time with people but that is few and far between. and when it is, it's usually about work!
but i do know that God will give me the strength to face each day even when i am really sad, because i just have to keep going.
i am working through the book Boundaries and it is so great. so helpful for all relationships.
i started making jewelry again so if anyone wants to make a purchase, let me know. they will be great Easter gifts. i am not sure if my websites work but you can just email me.
ok so that was 13 minutes of typing. if you skimmed it that probably took you 2 minutes. (i am a skimmer when I read).
but if anyone is bored and wants to come visit and help me take out the trash and do laundry, hey-we can make it fun.
it's almost like we are best friends. we both know we're going to be together all day so we make the most of it. she isn't very far behind me. if i go to do some computer work, she usually comes and sits right beside me. she's started sweeping and that's good, since she used her dumptruck to dump rice krispies all over the kitchen.
right now we are both sick so maybe we are grumpy. kate has had fever off and on but i am going to see how tomorrow goes. she is very good at cleaning up! that is a big help. we did some work with markers and paper (she can't do that unsupervised) and she was doing some great ziggly lines.
i haven't quite taught her how to load and fold the laundry, but in due time.
we did the Walk for Hope 2K walk last Saturday over the Bay of St Louis bridge and it was really fun. We took the longest, because the passenger in my stroller was so happy to see the water, the boats, the ducks, so we took lots of stops. i tried to make up for it by running some but we never really made first place, but we did make it.
work is becoming more and more time consuming. it's good to work but difficult to do so while being a mommy, but i would much rather struggle with it than take kate to day care, because we were so sick when kate was in day care. it actually made it negative because of all the money for dr visits and medicine.
we are living a simple life, no big events, just taking joy in each day, in the small things. i'd like some more adult time with people but that is few and far between. and when it is, it's usually about work!
but i do know that God will give me the strength to face each day even when i am really sad, because i just have to keep going.
i am working through the book Boundaries and it is so great. so helpful for all relationships.
i started making jewelry again so if anyone wants to make a purchase, let me know. they will be great Easter gifts. i am not sure if my websites work but you can just email me.
ok so that was 13 minutes of typing. if you skimmed it that probably took you 2 minutes. (i am a skimmer when I read).
but if anyone is bored and wants to come visit and help me take out the trash and do laundry, hey-we can make it fun.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
