Blogging Sabbatical

I wish i could say i've been on vacation in Italy or somewhere else besides Waveland, but I haven't. After recuperating from surgery, I've been doing some thinking about my priorities, attitudes, etc. "Metathinking"=thinking about why you think what you think.
So i haven't had any time to blog.
But I have been doing lots of praying and thinking about marriage-things I wish I knew before I got married, because knowing would make the journey easier.

NEWLEYWED PRIMER BY CAMMIE CHAPMAN
(Also applicable for anyone that is married, not wanting to be married, single, and all the rest)

Love and respect. That is what you need. Love the wife, respect the husband. Do we do this when we want to or feel like it? No. Instead the wife loves herself, and the husband respects himself, and both begin to live in parallel worlds. While I have read the Five Love Languages, and feel there is wisdom there, I think it skips the basis of love-which is actually doing that. Loving someone.
Of course, men and women speak different languages. That's why men get along well with men, and women can talk for hours with women. You have to learn to speak the opposite of what you want to do-women tend to love like they want to be loved-does a man really want a candlelight dinner? I think he'd prefer to be respected-respect the choice of what he'd like to do, no matter what that is. And this is the lifelong journey of marriage-communicating with love and respect.
Without love, the wife reacts without respect. Without respect, the man reacts without love. So how do you fix that? You respond to the call of God to obey. That can be found in several places.
1. Ephesians 5:33: Love your wife as you love yourself, and the wife must respect the husband.
This is a command from Paul, and these are to be done UNCONDITIONALLY!
When the cycle of communication is not going well, both parties tend to react with deliberate or unthinking words-but both are reacting to a need not being met.

Here's the thing: Paul tells us that when two people marry they "will face many troubles in this life." (1 Cor. 7:28) These can come in many ways, but that is a promise. But the Bible does spend time explaining how to resolve conflicts in a manner that honors the One who allowed them in our lives.

Issues arise when the spouses focus on their own needs and overlook the needs of the other. The wife must be fully loved and know it, and the husband must be fully respected, and know it. The tasks of unconditional love and unconditional respect must be a commitment!

If one spouse tries to tell the other what to do, and it does not come from love, it actually makes things worse. The best thing to do is for the spouse that is upset to work on their own behavior, which will improve the situation, and can also encourage the other spouse to work on their job-whether it be a call to love or to respect.

Women can very easily steal the respect of their husbands when they demand love-this will leave the husband feeling inadequate. They must respect his needs, respect his desire to provide, and this will give a more loving spirit to the house. Essentially Eph 5:33 says, Yes you two are different, but I'm telling you to love and respect unconditionally anyway.

Even when the wife is unloveable, the husband is called to come across to his wife as loving, and when the husband is not acting respectfully, the wife must communicate respect because this is the command. Even if the love or respect is not deserved, it is commanded.

This respect and love is not earned. "Do this and then I'll _______ you." It is necessary and it is what we are called to do.

The next part of that is that his love will motivate her respect. Her respect will motivate his love. It takes both of those wheels going to get the car moving in the right direction. Does it start with the husband? Col. 3:19-Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. or does it start with the wife? Col. 3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
I believe that the cycle can begin with the husband, as he is the head of the household. But if this does not occur, this does not give the wife license to not respect. It is a very important daily work that husbands and wives are called to carry out.

Malachi 2: 14 again gives the husband headship and responsibility for getting the love off to a good start: "...The Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. 15 Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself with your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth."

A call to honesty, to love, and to commitment is what God has designed from long ago. He holds the husband accountable and the wife accountable. Husbands deserve the respect from God through the wife, and the wives are to extend it graciously.
Wives are to submit to their husband, as to the Lord (Eph 5:22) and if the wife does not agree, she must trust that God will guide her husband. This wife should be her husbands friend and lover.

This call to honesty, love, and commitment is continued in Prov 5:19 where the husband has eyes only for his wife, and the wife understands her husband and his vulnerabilities. She respects these, and he loves her.

But even when we sin, we are called higher-for obedience. His love will bless regardless of her respect, and her respect will bless regardless of his love. God promises to bless the husband who loves his wife regardless of her level of respect for him, and God blesses a wife who respects her husband regardless of his level of love for her. Now this one is hard. Of course we don't want to love without respect, or respect without love, but it's the way to go.
If our goal is to serve God, then keep doing what he commands, because it will not be wasted. To give up, to feel hopeless, is not from God.

Whatever happens in your marriage, or your soon to be marriage for those of you who are single...when you get to heaven, the Lord will reward you in ways beyond anything you can imagine if you faithfully practice love and respect not because you feel like it, but because he calls us to do it.

And, remember, in the ultimate sense-your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Christ, your call to obey Him, and your willingness to serve Him in the ways He has designed.

Now let's say you feel unloved, or unrespected. You can play the victim, but that will not give way to maturity or growth. Be responsible for your response, and respond in the way He has called.

Conflict is inevitable. it is part of living together, working together, being on this planet. The key to keeping conflict is to choose to practice love or respect. Winning or losing is not the goal. Oneness is. This journey lasts a lifetime but you are not alone-the One who planned this whole thing promises to be there with us. If God will fill our hearts with reverence for Him, he will put respect and love in our hearts.

There is no credit for loving or respecting when it's easy. Anyone can do that. It's in the tough spots that you grow and see what God can do.

Finito on my essay. These are just some of the things i've been metathinking lately and now i have a headache.
happy Christmas to you all.