Challenges

This past week has been challenging. From trying to get the house cleaned up to show it to a potential buyer, to contemplating the "new" house in BSL which is a wreck. Last weekend I did not feel well, I don't know what it was. On Monday, Andy left for BSL and Kate and I stayed behind, with no car because our car is broken. We had to borrow a car from a man that has a used car lot. We were pretty lonely without Andy and his help but we made it through. We went shopping, and Kate didn't even cry so that was miraculous. The time change has her schedule off and her sleeping patterns are a little different but she's hanging in there. Wednesday my mom came to visit, which was not too great, because all she did the whole time was drone on and on about how terrible the coast is and how NOBODY should ever move there. I know I'm supposed to go, but i think the devil uses doubts to make me not want to go. By the time Andy got home late last night, I was exhausted, drained, and depressed about the whole thing. He brought photos and videos of the new house, and although it is very large and spacious, pretty glamorous, too, it has no walls! no floors. trash all in the yard. "You have to have a vision to see it." I just can't keep from thinking about the next hurricane and the house looking like that again, except this time, all of our stuff was destroyed, from baby pictures to my antique furniture. But that's a risk we have to take.
I'm trying to be brave, faithful, and fearless. It comes in waves. Sometimes I feel good about it, sometimes I'm really scared.
I was also out of touch all week because my computer is in the shop and I didn't have one around. Andy is at a meeting now so I can work on the computer.
I am working on a destination wedding next weekend, so the travel with Kate will be cumbersome. We are bringing Christy, Andy's sister, to babysit, but I will still have to feed the baby so I know my mind will be in 2 places. when i'm working, it will be on kate, when i'm with kate, i will be thinking, is everything getting done?
i had my last junior auxiliary meeting this week. i had to take kate with me because i didn't have a babysitter, and she did fine. i was really sad-i've met some really nice people in JA and we have done a lot of great volunteer work for the community, but i don't think there is a chapter in BSL that i can transfer into. besides, since i won't know anyone down there, i won't ever have a babysitter.
That is very daunting-to know that i don't know a soul down there. when we moved to louisville, andy knew lots and lots of people. we had a church that took us as family and cared for us with meals and comfort week by week. but in BSL, there is no church. there is no group of people to welcome us. there is destruction, wreckage, brokenness, and heavy hearts.
My heart is very heavy for the people of the coast, and that's what makes me know that we are supposed to go. I can buy new furniture....